Partner or partnership

Partner or partnership? Isn’t love enough?

If you were in a philosophical mood contemplating an existential question, the answer to this might be a wise yes, or a skeptical no.

But let’s get practical here. Nope.

Love is warm, love is all fuzzy and nice, love heals.

But it doesn’t necessarily pay bills, get deadlines met, or help get your life back on track.

Passion, on the other hand, is the driving force behind every motive.

It’s that little sprinkle of spice that adds flavor to a plain day.

If you’re in a long-term relationship, you might’ve noticed that your sex life waxes and wanes.

You remember the early days of your relationship.

The way your partner looked at you would send a warm tingle down your spine.

A smile would do weird stuff in your tummy. And when your partner touches you, everything else melted into oblivion.

The space that a couple in love creates,  is like a live and pulsating sphere of passion, awe, and genuine affection.

But what happens when the sizzle begins to douse and all you are left with is good-old warm-hearted love and tender affection?

You feel loved but not wanted.

What makes it worse is that you likely went through a honeymoon period, where it seemed like you were never

not having sex, followed by a very common period where you were having less intercourse in your relationship — as

well as periods of no sex at all.

While many couples fall into a sex rut at one point or another, it’s a different issue entirely if your partner isn’t

sexually attracted to you anymore.

Here are 10 signs that your partner loves you dearly but isn’t attracted to you anymore.

1. Romance? How do you spell that?

The flowers, the surprise gifts, the chocolates, the candlelight dinners have all come to a standstill. Your partner loves you, ensures everything you need to get through your week is available, but there is no hint of romance in the air. This is a sign that there is much care and concern, but no reason to want to woo you anymore.

2. Quality time, yes. Fun, NO

You guys go for quiet walks, talk about a new book or show you are currently into, talk about each other’s day at work. All is pleasant, warm, and good. But if they don’t make exciting plans with you anymore, it’s possible that your partner doesn’t really associate fun with you. They seem more excited about social events with others than with you.

3. They don’t orgasm

Perhaps the most obvious sign? If your partner is not reaching orgasm after doing so easily in the past, it is possible that something has shifted. There are lots of reasons why people don’t orgasm, from health concerns to mental blocks. But it could also be a sign they’re just feeling a bit bored.

4. You barely see your BAE’s name on your phone

Unless it is to ask ‘brown or white bread’ or give an update like ‘Meeting friends at 6 pm.’ If your partner is dutiful in keeping you updated about everything but doesn’t really reach out to you ‘just because,’ it could be that they like you but don’t find a need to keep checking in with you like before. If every call or text is about groceries, bills, and schedules, it’s time to take note.

5. They seem checked out

While some people are more active or passive during sex, total passivity is a sign that sex isn’t that enjoyable for your partner. Good sex involves passion from both sides, which includes touching and active participation.

If they aren’t switching positions with you, telling you what they want, or even worse staring off into space, you’ll definitely want to have a chat. Talking about sex with your partner will help you both get to the bottom of why they seem checked out so that you can work on improving the situation together.

6. Their patience is inversely proportionate to their eye roll

If your partner often finds reasons to do their infamous eye-roll that mocks down your ideas, suggestions, or way of doing things, it’s not just a cue for reduced attraction, but a sign of disrespect.

You can love someone dearly and still think they aren’t really all that sorted out. Like you would think of a child saying he wants to be an underwater explorer. You pat them affectionately and say ‘Sure, honey.’

If your honey is patting you with patronizing disbelief or gestures of sweet mockery, it’s a sign that they don’t find your wild ideas as intriguing as before.

7. Conversations are buddy-like

Being friends is important.

But not to the point you constantly go to each other with laundry woes, grocery lists, and pest control. Of course, these conversations do play a role, because you don’t want ’em bugs buzzing around. But if that’s all the buzz there is in your exchanges, then your partner has lost touch with how it was to flirt up a storm with you. And for those who say there is no time for all this, there is time. There is always time. If you are attracted enough to someone.

My partner loves me but is over me

8. The hug feels safe but not desirous

Coming home to your partner is great. It brings a sense of safety. But if their hands constantly stop just a little before things begin to heat up, that’s a sign to watch out for. While love needn’t always be expressed sexually, when a couple is attracted to each other, they cannot help but also want each other physically.

9. Sex has become a routine

When lovemaking dwindles down to a mere habit, loss of attraction is evident.

If you find yourself having sex because you always do it on a certain day of the week or if your partner is physically into you just for the moment and switches back to being distant right after sex, you are in dangerous territory. Whether you are in love or not, sex shouldn’t be mundane. Yeah, there could be off days. But if this becomes a pattern, it wouldn’t be soon before you hit a dry spell, permanently then as you turn your back bun!

10. Things get awkward often

Before, you could do the silliest thing and earn a laugh from your significant other. But now, things get weird or awkward when it’s just the two of you. You still talk about stuff and have an overall relaxed time, but if they laugh at your new idea or think there is no need to try anything new, they could have already put you in the ‘done everything possible with you, so let’s just chill’ list. In case you’re wondering, no; you don’t deserve to be on that list.

If you and your partner are into trying to “fight” for your love, here are a few things you may want to try;

  1. Improve your psychological attraction- focus more on yourself and how you can make things happy for yourself. Joy, although severely underrated, is extremely attractive.
  2. Give each other space and distance-when you take the time to do your thing and your partner gets to do their thing, you both come back feeling refreshed and alive.
  3. Check if you have allowed your partner’s perception of you to put you in a mold. If your partner has come to believe you are stable, mature, and genuine, great. But if they assume that is all there is to you, then either you aren’t evolving as an individual, or not showing all sides of your personality to them.
  4. Be honest and talk about it. If they are willing to do something about it, great. If they don’t see any problem while you do, it might be time to re-evaluate both your priorities and see if they still match. Why? Because in the long run, love alone isn’t enough. Respect for each other and a healthy zest for life is what will get you through the tricky times.

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