No doubt, falling into a bedroom routine can make things kinda stale.
Reverting to a go-to sex position again and again while your Netflix binge of choice plays in the background
doesn’t exactly scream hot. But you know what does? Wax play.
While candles not only encourage and set the mood for having sex, some are even used by partners during sex.
The act of intentional candle dripping for sexual reasons is called wax play, and while it’s often associated with BDSM, it’s not always categorized as such.
Wax play is typically used as a power tool for partners who take on sadist and masochist roles.
But even if your sex preferences are more of the vanilla variety, wax play is a practice you can adapt for your own bedroom
to simply make sex more exciting, by enjoying doing something “naughty,” or experiment with a little pain-as-pleasure for an evening (or three).
But, If you’re into harder BDSM and are looking for wax play that leaves actual wax on your body,
you’ll want to stay away from massage candles and lean into more BDSM-focused options.
Hot wax can be a frightening and high-sensation element in play,
and BDSM often eroticizes that kind of experience and It pairs especially well with bondage.
Bit if you are looking to try wax play let me let you in on some little tips and tricks
12 Tips & Tricks when trying Wax Play
- Set up an area to play in, that is far away from anything flammable
Fire is wily.
Whenever we’re talking about anything with an open flame, it’s important to have the right kind of environment.
Don’t have lots of easily flammable things like tissues, drapes, or hair products nearby.
You should also keep an eye out for lingerie thrown around in the heat of the moment, bed sheets, and curtains.
- Use special body-safe wax candles
Those department store white candles are not the shit you need to be using on your partner.
There are some candles that are designed with this kind of wax play in mind.
You can also go with unscented, colorless soy or paraffin candle
Body-Safe Candle Ingredients:
Soy: These are the safest candles to use since they cool the most quickly on contact.
Plus, they’re less likely to cause skin irritation.
Paraffin: These burn at a hotter point than soy candles, so try one if you’re into more intense wax play.
Candle Ingredients to Avoid:
Beeswax: Stay away from these (beeswax will burn the skin!), or any candle that does not have its ingredients listed.
Any colorings or dyes: These can change the melting point of a candle and possibly result in a burn you weren’t anticipating.
When using a candle with a glass container
If this is your option use an electric candle warmer or make sure to blow out the flame first.
If you don’t, the flame might make contact with the glass when you tip the candle to pour it,
causing the glass to heat up quickly and burn you, or even shatter.
- Prep for clean up ahead of time
Wax is a bitch to clean up, so doing some pre-play prepping might save you a headache later on.
Put down a plastic sheet.
It’s also not a bad idea to lay down an old sheet you don’t care about over your bedspread as an extra precaution.
- Prep your body for the cleanup
Once the wax cools and hardens, it can be super painful to remove from any areas with body hair.
Sure, you can shave ahead of time, but another option I recommend is to prep you or your partner’s skin with oil.
Baby oil will make wax removal much easier.
Plus, it’s a nice opportunity for a sexy warm-up massage.
When it does come time to slather on some oil, stay away from the face, any open wounds, genitals, and hair, if possible.
The back or torso is a good starting-off point.
- Wax test
Allow the candle to burn for 20 – 30 mins then test it on yourself.
It’s important that you test the wax on yourself before trying it on a partner
so you can physically empathize with the sensation your partner will be experiencing
That said, your pain tolerance might be way higher than your partner’s, so communication is always a must as well.
Control any splashback by changing the height at which you pour.
Check-in with your partner and see if they want less heat (move the candle further away, this way the wax has more time to cool before contact)
or more (move the candle closer).
Avoid getting closer than six inches away from the skin unless you’re okay with the risk of burns.
The real danger of pouring is when a piece of wax that’s on fire or very hot falls onto the skin and burns it.
This can happen from any height, so it’s important to go slowly, be vigilant, and use the correct materials.
- Timing of the pours
For some, the slow drip…drip…drip…of the candles provides a sense of anticipation.
For others, it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
Some partners might want to let the candle sit and melt for a while so that the pour produces more of a splashing sensation.
Just be careful about the temperature of the wax.
A nice way to control wax temperature but increase the volume of melted wax is to put candles inside glass jars in a water bath in a crockpot.
This way, you have more wax to play with, but you aren’t torching them at high temps to get there.
- Be creative
Play with shapes and patterns.
You can also drizzle the wax over your partner’s back to create different sensations and patterns.
Don’t feel limited to just dumping wax on them, either—you can also bust out a paintbrush or use your fingers to get more creative.
- Hard Wax
Just because the wax is now on your partner’s body doesn’t mean that’s game over.
Running ice cubes over the still-warm wax, or tapping on hardened wax, can open up even more pleasure.
Whenever something like BDSM is involved, you have to make sure there’s also an element of aftercare
(positive things like cuddling, words of affirmation, reassurance, water, hugs) that need to be worked into things.
Wax play, in particular, should end with a massage of aloe vera or sunburn cream, to help soothe sensitive skin,
and who knows, maybe lead into the next part of your sexual encounter.
Assuming you stayed away from any hair (or your pre-applied baby oil helped loosen the hardened wax off),
you can also use a plastic card (like a credit card, but not actually your credit card, please) or comb to remove any residual wax
For the parents out there, don’t feel like a hypocrite because you’ve warned the kids never to play with candles and fire,
then you go off doing just that. Well, they don’t need to know.
What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom (wink wink).
Candles and sex have been long-going partners.
So, you won’t know if you like it until you try it.