There are so many practices we can indulge in to improve every area of our sex life.
I talk about so many areas to improve on, to try out, or even to consider.
The thing is, I think it is time we stop, take a minute, and go back to some basics.
I am sure sometimes we are in some weird situations where we are contemplating how to start, where to start, and even if we should be the ones to start.
But one critical reason why the sex might stall is the way in which it starts.
That is to say, sexual initiation
It is an important part of any relationship to know how to initiate sex where sex means a lot to you both.
It shouldn’t always fall on one partner to be the one to initiate, because being wanted feels nice, right?
But also, initiating sex can feel like a tricky thing to navigate – so much potential misunderstanding, and maybe even rejection.
Why do people initiate sex?
Most people will say, “To have sex, of course!”
For most people, the goal is not only to get their partner to have sex;
But also to get their partner to want to have sex, and at the same time as they do.
But first, If you want your partner to want sex, you have to know what ignites their erotic flame.
Your partner may be rejecting your advances not because they don’t want to have sex with you,
But because they don’t want sex initiated at that particular time, or in that particular way.
What we need to remember is that everyone is different when it comes to how they want sex to start.
And too often we assume that our partner is not interested when they actually are,
Or that they like to start sex in the same way as we do.
This is a big mistake, and it reveals a secret obstacle to successful sexual initiation.
And if you don’t know what your partner prefers, you may be getting rejected unnecessarily.
How to find out what your partner likes
Communication is key.
Therefore I have identified three questions you can ask your partner to bypass common sticking points:
Ask: “Would you rather be…
- …asked (verbal) or touched (physical)? There is a clear distinction between talkers and touchers.
Some people love to have clear, verbal invitations to sex; for them, talking is a form of foreplay.
Others are turned off by the use of words; they would rather be turned on with a graze of their skin or a prolonged hug or kiss.
- … approached subtly or directly? Some people love to lay their cards on the table, with direct requests or suggestions that leave no room for misunderstanding:
“Are you in the mood?” or “Get into bed now!”
But others would find such directness startling, cold, or abrupt.
Instead, they’ll talk about a preference for the seduction game, with subtle teasing or flirting that allows them to get them in the mood.
- … be surprised, or see it coming? One person may want to anticipate, think about, and/or plan for the event as their arousal evolves.
While others find that their arousal erupts when they are surprised.
Partners like that will often talk about “spontaneity”
However besides being hot and nasty (which always works), there are ways to initiate sex with dignity, creativity, and confidence.
6 Subtle Ways To Initiate Sex
- Try leaving the door wide open while you’re naked and lathering yourself in the shower, moisturizing yourself with scented body oil in front of the mirror, or taking your sweet-ass time getting dressed in the bedroom.
When your partner just happens to stroll past and clock you, invite them to join you in the soap suds/slippery massage.
To get their attention you can also turn up the volume and play some loud music to lure them to come and investigate what’s going on in your room of choice.
They’ll come to see what all the noise is about… and soon find out.
- Sending your partner a text describing exactly what you want them to do with you when you next see them is a classic (and often very effective) come-on.
To switch up your sexts 20 Sexts You Can Use With Your Partner and get even more enticingly creative, use the mic function on WhatsApp to send a sound clip.
Sound clips like the hum of your vibrator, the noise of you splish-splashing in the bath, record yourself reading from an erotic book, or a series of subtle masturbation sounds followed by an orgasmic gasp.
- Turn your cookie jar into a nookie jar
For example, call your partner over to help you undo the ‘stuck’ lid of a jar or tin,
And inside the jar you have hidden a sexy product you want to try, like a vial of Intense Orgasmic Gel, which produces pleasurable waves of cooling, tingling, or warming sensations when applied to the clitoris.
- Whilst a ‘safe word’ is something you say when you want all sexual play to stop,
A ‘chafe word’ is a secret phrase you and your partner can utter to each other in public to surreptitiously make it known that you’re in the mood to fuck until you’re sore.
- If both sexes carry condoms and learn how to use them properly, it helps make relationships feel more balanced.
Try using a condom as a come-on: whip one out of your pocket and slip it into his while making eye contact; Leave one by his toothbrush as a signal before bed;
Get him to close his eyes and hold out his hand ready for a ‘surprise’ and pop one into his palm.
- Move from “what are you doing?’ to “do me, now!”
One approaches the other and asks what they are doing.
However pedestrian their answer, whether it’s “printing out spreadsheets” or “vacuuming the floor”, the object is to turn it into a saucy scenario by getting some playful back-and-forth flirtation going.
Now let’s be real, initiating sex can be hard. (for some of us)
But if you happen to be totally in sync with your partner all the time, then maybe it’s not, but that’s not a reality for most people.
Plus, It’s very easy to fall into a pattern of just waiting for your partner to initiate.
But that’s not fair to anybody.
So as a new sex goal, consider working on building up the initiation muscle.