How to be submissive in a relationship?
We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship.
But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires?
We modern women sometimes forget the value of having the ability to be submissive.
Firstly, don’t be fooled by the flashy title.
I’m not encouraging women to play dumb, be in a ‘housewife’ role, or have no opinions.
Being submissive to your partner is not about that at all.
I’m also not encouraging women to be submissive all the time.
Being submissive is just another role that a woman can take up every now and then in her relationship with a high value, masculine man.
The reason I’m talking about being submissive is because it can bring more passion, strength, and life to a healthy relationship,
if your submissiveness is received by a partner with love and respect.
Submission is within you
Being a submissive woman is almost never about admitting you’re ‘wrong’ or less worthy than a man.
Being submissive just allows for a man to feel more like a man around you, and – as a result, have that extra bit of passion for you.
Part of being in touch with your femininity is feeling all the different parts of yourself that you can feel in your body.
This is about accepting that there are many different parts of you. You are not just one kind of woman!
When you know this, you start to explore and begin to know how to “go there” (be submissive) when you want to.
Submission is a part of learning to become more feminine as well.
So, the question of how to be submissive leads me to bring up some things that you will need to understand and therefore be able to be submissive at times.
The how will come to you through an understanding of the reason behind it.
A woman in control all the time doesn’t help the relationship
Society has encouraged women to keep their guard up and wear masks instead of being comfortable in their feminine core/essence.
Many of us naturally feminine women have gotten the message that we need to hide it away.
Instead of being feminine, we often choose to be in control.
At the very least, we prefer to give the impression that we are in control.
Also, attending school from a young age teaches us that being “right” is high on the list of importance.
We as women now have to be right, be smart, and be intelligent too.
Nothing is wrong with all of that.
However, I quickly realized that it did not help me in my relationship whatsoever!
Many women have learned that they need to be like steel in the face of conflict.
That is definitely not how to be submissive at all.
Being submissive in the relationship is erotic and passionate
I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again.
A man really wants his woman to be open to him, and to let him in (emotionally, mentally, sexually, spiritually).
This is because it’s erotic for a man to feel the feeling of a woman gradually opening and trusting in him and his direction.
Of course, when we open, surrender to, and trust a man’s masculine direction in the bedroom, that allows him to feel our feminine energy.
He also gets to feel more of a man in the process of feeling your submissiveness and dominating you.
His Masculine Direction
The best thing about learning to surrender to a man’s masculine direction is that it gives him a safe place to be the dark masculine parts of him!
So, let him in and try to let him take the lead – try to trust him even when it feels unfamiliar to trust.
If you’re afraid, just say “I am afraid, but I’m willing to trust you.”
In a sexy seductive tone.
The truth is, in general, men are built naturally physically stronger than women.
And, they operate differently to women mentally too.
Deep down, all women have vulnerabilities and deep fears and feelings of uncertainty, especially in the face of violence.
Trust him to take you places you cannot go alone
Why should you be a submissive woman in a relationship?
Because it allows you the gift of surrendering to and trusting a man to take you places that you’ve never been before.
Places you can never go by yourself.
Places in which it is only with a feminine woman’s trust, that a man can take her!
Submissive during sex
Lifestyle submissive has sets of rules between themselves and their partners which govern the relationship.
It might be small things such as calling your partner a term like ‘sir’ or ‘master’, it could be doing domestic labor,
or it could involve spending large amounts of time naked in a cage.
It can be hard to understand why your partner wants to be submissive if that’s not something you’re personally interested in.
It’s important to try to understand and not to judge.
Plus, there is a real difference between kinky and abusive.
That difference is active consent
8 Submissive Techniques
If you’re pretty new to submission, you can use roleplay to help ease any initial awkwardness you may feel.
It can take time to develop your submissive identity, so playing a role can make it easier to come up with things to say and actions to take.
Bondage is a literal way to play around with control.
Your partner has an incredible amount of power if they’ve got you tied up or restrained
- Talk the Talk
One of the easiest ways to play up the power dynamic is by using your language.
Address your partner as “Sir,” “Master,” or “Mistress.” Say “please” and “thank you”.
Speak deferentially, with sentences like, “please, mistress, tell me what I can do for you” or “I exist to serve you.”
- Seeking Permission
You can emphasize your servitude to your partner by asking for their permission in the bedroom.
Plead with your partner to touch or kiss you.
Try making certain things forbidden unless you’ve received explicit permission.
For example, you could agree that you’re not allowed to touch yourself or not allowed to orgasm until your partner gives you the go-ahead.
Once you’ve agreed on certain rules of conduct, you can have your partner punish you for your infractions.
For example, if you touch yourself without your partner’s permission, they can give you a spanking.
Punishment can create some extreme power dynamics, so make sure you talk about it beforehand and agree on proper punishments.
Make sure you start with less intense punishments.
- Pain Factor
Not everyone who likes dominance and submission is into pain, but if you are, there are plenty of ways to play.
You can experiment with spanking, slapping, pinching, hair pulling, and choking.
Again, safety is important so make sure you educate yourselves about the proper way to play.
There are so many different toys you can use to help you get more into your roles.
Try blindfolds, cuffs, nipple clamps, ball gags, spreader bars, whips, and paddles.
Each of these toys is relatively inexpensive, and a lot of fun to explore together.
You can also try costumes that fit with your role-plays.
- No more bedroom
Once you’ve gotten more comfortable with power play in the bedroom, you can really up your submissive game by being your partner’s submissive in everyday life.
You may want to ease into things by coming up with specific “play days” or “play hours” where you engage in domination and submission.
Give yourselves plenty of days off to process the experience.
Before you enter into any level of submission, you should also pick a safeword to use any time you’re engaging in power play.
Pick a word that you normally wouldn’t use during sex or during a role-play.
Something random like “toothpick” or “baseball” works best.
Any time one of you utters the safeword, that means that you need to immediately stop whatever you were doing and check-in with each other.
You can also use “green,” “yellow,” and “red,” where “green” means you’re great, “yellow” means you’re fine but approaching a boundary, and “red” means stop immediately.
Throughout all of these experiences, don’t forget to keep checking in with each other and with yourself to make sure you’re feeling happy and being safe.
You should also be sure to have aftercare sessions, where you cuddle and debrief with each other lovingly after these experiences.