Living with vaginismus

Wouldn’t you agree with me that a vagina is a magical place?

Plus, it is one of the cleanest places on a woman’s body,

And, we think we really know about it but what do we really know? and are we even aware of some of its complications?

Caribbean men like to say they want to “stab out a woman belly”, others will say “I want to fuck you hard” but sometimes the harder they fuck, the more the pain, the less the pleasure.

For some women, the vaginal muscles involuntarily or persistently contract when they attempt vaginal penetration.

This is called vaginismus.

vaginismus is painful

What is it?

Vaginismus is the body’s automatic reaction to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration.

Whenever penetration is attempted, the vaginal muscles tighten up on their own.

The thing about it is that women have no control over it.

Occasionally, women can get vaginismus even if they have previously enjoyed painless penetrative sex.

The contractions can prevent sexual intercourse or make it very painful but

It doesn’t necessarily affect their ability to get aroused and enjoy other types of sexual contact.

When does this occur?

This can happen:

  • as your partner attempts penetration
  • upon insertion of  a tampon
  • when a woman is touched near the vaginal area
  • when a woman feels burning or stinging pain during sex

Types of vaginismus

Vaginismus is classified into two types:

  • primary vaginismus: when vaginal penetration has never been achieved.
  • secondary vaginismus: when vaginal penetration was once achieved, but is no longer possible, potentially due to factors such as gynecologic surgery, trauma, or radiation.

Some women develop vaginismus even after menopause.

When estrogen levels drop, a lack of vaginal lubrication and elasticity makes intercourse painful, stressful, or impossible.

This can lead to vaginismus in some women.

Dyspareunia is the medical term for painful sexual intercourse and t’s often confused with vaginismus.

However, dyspareunia could be due to a cyst, pelvic inflammatory disease, or vaginal atrophy.

Causes of vaginismus

There’s not always a reason for vaginismus.
I do believe, however, that some causes that may be associated with it are:

  • past sexual abuse or trauma
  • past painful intercourse
  • emotional factors
  • fear that your vagina is too small
  • a bad first sexual experience
  • an unpleasant medical examination
  • a belief that sex is shameful or wrong
  • a painful medical condition, like thrush

In some cases, no direct cause can be found as well.

Treatment for vaginismus

Treatment usually includes education, counseling, and exercises. It can also focus on:

  • managing your feelings around penetration
  • exercises to gradually get a woman used to penetration
Possible treatments Details
Psychosexual therapy A type of talking therapy that aims to help you understand and change your feelings about your body and sex
Relaxation techniques Mindfulness, breathing and gentle touching exercises to help you learn to relax the vaginal muscles
Pelvic floor exercises Squeezing and releasing exercises to gain control of the vaginal muscles
Sensate focus Exercises to help with your relaxation during sex and increase your sex drive (libido)
Vaginal trainers Smooth tampon-shaped objects in different sizes to help you gradually get used to having something inserted into your vagina

I cant have sex because of vaginismus

Sex with vaginismus

The obvious solution here would be many things that we have talked about previously.

Having your partner provide stimulation and satisfaction without insertion.

Just refresh their memory with the techniques we mentioned in 8 Tips On How To Orgasm With Bartholin’s Cyst and 10 Reasons Why Fifth Base Is Awesome

Sexual dysfunction can take a toll on relationships.

It can occur in both males and females and can usually be treated.

It’s not your fault, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Talking with your partner about your feelings and fears about intercourse may help you feel more relaxed.

Scheduling treatment sessions with an Intimacy Coach may be beneficial.

Using lubrication or certain sexual positions can help make sexual intercourse more comfortable.

Experiment and find out what works for you and your partner.

You can also try:

These Nipples Need Love Too

9 Things Your Partner Can Do To Your Breast During Sex

Living with vaginismus